A very well dressed man, a real toff, is walking along the street when he is approached by a filthy old beggar.
“Please sir, can you spare me a couple of pounds?” the man looks the fellow up and down and says,
“I will not, chances are you’ll spend it on drink!”
“I haven’t touched drink in all my life!” says the tramp.
“Well, you’ll probably spend it on cigarettes then” the man persists.
“Never smoked in my life sir!” the tramp exclaims.
“Ha, I know what you’ll do with it,” the man says triumphantly, “you’ll gamble it away on some hopeless horse!”
“But sir,” the tramp protests, “I never gamble!”
“So, if you don’t do these things, how come you ended up a tramp?” asks the rich man.
“Why sir, I once was as wealthy as you, I had shares in some big companies. However, my wife said I should take them out and invest in a business. I did, but the business never worked out and I ended up as you see me now sir, penniless.”
“Then,” says the man, “come along with me to my house, where you will have dinner, a new suit of clothes and I’ll give you some money to help you start up again.”
“But sir,” the tramp says, “surely your wife will go mad at you bringing home a dirty old tramp like me, feeding him, clothing him and giving him money.”
“Oh she will,” says the man, “but I want her to see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink, smoke or gamble and always does what his wife tells him!”