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  • Two hour delay

    Two hour delay

    A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last […] More

  • Mirror, Mirror, Who's the Drunkest?

    Mirror, Mirror, Who’s the Drunkest?

    There’s this guy who thought he’d sneak in a little weekday fun, so he left work early to hit the bar. He stayed there, knocking back drinks until 2 a.m. By the time he left, he was so hammered that the world seemed like a spinning top. He figured he’d be super considerate, not to […] More

  • Jealousy - the Original Sin

    Jealousy – the Original Sin

    The story of Adam and Eve is not entirely accurate as it does not recount the first signs of that trait women actually pride themselves on – jealousy! One day shortly after God made Eve for Adam, Adam decided to go into the orchard and gorge himself on the fruits he shouldn’t. This he got […] More

  • A total lie

    A total lie

    A man is pulled over for speeding. The policeman asks for his license and documents. He replies, “I just stole the car and don’t even have a license.” The policeman looks a little concerned and asks him if his documents are in the glovebox. “No, my gun is in the glovebox. I had to shoot […] More

  • Looking back...

    Looking back…

    The class photo had just been taken at Drumchapel and the teacher is trying, with little success, to persuade them to purchase it. “Now come on,” she urges them, “I know it seems a lot of money, but it’ll be well worth it in years to come, when you look at it when you are […] More

  • Fishing secret!

    Fishing secret!

    A guy decides a spot of fishing is just the perfect way to spend the day so he selects a spot on the bank of the river. Just down from him he notices someone having amazing luck, reeling in one fish after another. He meanwhile isn’t getting a bit, so he wanders up to the […] More

  • bad weather

    Not impressed

    An airliner is coming into Prestwick but just before it gets anywhere near, the weather goes foul. Thunderbolts rend the air and turbulence is all around. The pilot sweats his way through one battering then another, with skill, determination and no little bravery he succeeds in getting the plane, albeit rather bumpily, onto terra firma. […] More

  • My Lord Will Save Me

    My Lord Will Save Me

    An exceedingly devout man is sitting in his living room reading his Bible. So intent is he on his study that he has not noticed that there is a torrential Noachian deluge happening outside and that flooding is taking place. Soon the water is up to his chest and a man in a boat comes […] More

  • No pain at all

    No pain at all

    In the doctor’s office, two patients are talking. “You know, I had an appendectomy last month and the doctor left a sponge in me by mistake.” “A sponge!” exclaims the other. “Does it hurt much?” “No…no pain at all,” says the first, “but…boy, do I get thirsty!” More

  • The art of doublespeak

    The art of doublespeak

    An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course child. What may I do for you?” “Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate […] More

  • Pitching in Paradise

    Pitching in Paradise

    Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, “Rose, we both loved playing women’s softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get […] More

  • Memory Blooms

    Memory Blooms

    An elderly couple was invited over for dinner at another couple’s home. After they finished eating, the ladies excused themselves and headed to the kitchen, leaving the two gents to chat. The first man began, “We dined at this new restaurant yesterday. Exceptional it was! You must try it.” His friend, intrigued, asked, “What’s it […] More

  • Weather by Paw-spective

    Weather by Paw-spective

    If you want to know the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it’s […] More

  • A Hilarious Dinner Revelation

    A Hilarious Dinner Revelation

    Someone knocked at my door last evening. When I opened it, I saw a guy from Domino’s holding a chicken pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and onion rings. “I haven’t ordered any pizza,” I said. “This must be a mistake.” “No, it’s not,” he replied. “Your neighbour forgot his Facebook password and wanted to show […] More

  • When Fat Becomes a Complimentary Extra

    When Fat Becomes a Complimentary Extra

    A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. “Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some. He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. “Wait a minute,” the boy said. “Those don’t […] More

  • The Size Dilemma

    The Size Dilemma

    I went to the bank to cash a $400.00 Cheque and told the teller to give me large bills. He looked at me astonished and said “All the bills are the same size !” More

  • Liquid Soul Searching

    Liquid Soul Searching

    Wife: I’m headed to the store, do you want anything? Husband: I want a sense of meaning and purpose in my life…I seek fulfillment and completeness in my soul… I want to discover the spiritual side of myself! Wife: Be more specific. Beer or vodka???? More

  • The Curious Case of Sabrina

    The Curious Case of Sabrina

    Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident. Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple facial injuries. Also, my right leg is not functional Wife: Who is Sabrina? More

  • The Hidden Genius in Dishwashing

    The Hidden Genius in Dishwashing

    I asked a friend of mine what he is doing. He told me, he is working on, “Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment”. I was impressed! On further asking, I learnt that he was washing dishes while under his wife’s supervision. More

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