A wife was outside pulling weeds on a hot summer day when her husband walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner. Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while she labored away on the weeds, she snapped, “I can’t believe. You’re asking me about supper right […] More

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, […] More

Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No More

A guy say’s to his friend: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions? The friend replies : I’m all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override. The first guy says: What’s a GPS override? The friend replies: My wife. More

First man: “I hear the First National Bank is looking for a new teller.” Second man: “I thought they just hired a new teller last week.” First man: “Right, that’s the one they’re looking for.” More

A wife sent her husband a romantic text message. She wrote: If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you. Her […] More

I told my doctor that I wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that I had used to do. “Well in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.” “Ok,” I said, “now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.” More

Wife was enjoying her coffee by the window, looking down at the people on the street. Suddenly she jump of the chair and run in to the kitchen. Honey, – she said, Leave the dishes, take the newspaper and sit on the couch. Surprised he asked. What is the matter dear? She added: Take off […] More

I went to the butcher’s the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.” More

Wife says “Darling it was such a hard day would you tell me the three magical words that always make me so happy?” Husband says “You were right.” Wife says “Very funny, no the other ones.” Husband says “I was wrong.” More

I told my girl: “I might not be rich, I have no money or villa or cars or companies like my friend John, but I love you and adore you,” She looked at me with tears in her eyes and hugged me like there is no tomorrow and whispered in my ear…: “If you love […] More

After the North American Beer Festival, all the presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says “Hey signor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona!” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says “I’d […] More

A six-year-old boy called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. “But, Mom, It’s OK …..” he said, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was irreplaceable.” More

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Dear, would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mummy say,” the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on […] More

A young boy was looking through some old family photos and asked his mother, Who is the guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair? Thats your father. Then whos that man who lives with us now? More

Sally asked her mother “Do all fairy tales start with Once upon a time?” Her mother looked over to her husband and replied” No, Sometimes they start with Honey I was delayed at the office…” More

A famous boxer has to be operated on for appendicitis. From the operation room the doctor gets out holding himself to the walls with a bruised eye and says “I can’t do this anymore!” and they say “what happened?” “Well I tried to sedate him, I count until nine and he gets up and starts […] More

A man and his wife were at a volleyball game when they notice a very affectionate couple who are running their hands over each other passionately. “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game.” says the man. “Watch them,” says his wife “you already know how to play volleyball!” More

After suffering through years of his wife’s godawful coffee, a man spit it out and took the coffee maker to his lawyer. Dropping it on the attorney’s desk, the man growled, ” Here they are!” “Here are what?” the startled lawyer asked. The man replied, “Grounds for divorce.” More