An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. “Doc,” he says,” I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs…” “Sir,” says the doctor, “you complain you have so many things. What don’t you have?” The man answers, “Teeth.” More
They lurked in the same primordial swamps from which many of the ancestors of today’s animals first crawled out, only to die in the great Ice Age, or whatever it was that knocked off the dinosaur population. “They”, are crocodiles, reptiles that have slithered in and out of the waters in both American continents, China, […] More
An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on ‘Take your kid to work Day’. As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, “Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked […] More
When two neighbors are as close as Canada and the U.S., there’s bound to be a little pushing and shoving over the lines in between. Especially when those lines are a bit blurry. In the winter of 1838-39, the Aroostook or Pork and Beans war, “erupted” between the state of Maine, then part of Massachusetts, […] More
At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. “I’m a millionaire,” he said, “and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and […] More
When the phrase “child prodigy” was coined, they might have been thinking of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756-1791). In an age when children were not pampered, some began to take on responsibilities and duties in the family at a young age. But in the Mozart household, where father Leopold Mozart was a violinist and lesser-known composer, […] More
When my brother began his psychiatric practice, his first patient was a particularly good-looking young woman. My brother motioned for her to lie down on the couch, but the woman hesitated until he reassured her that it was part of the therapy procedure. Once on the couch, she smoothed her dress around her legs and […] More
The vocalizations of different species vary greatly, depending on what the sound is used for. Those uses can include warning off predators, advertising their availability to mate, or simply stating “this is mine”. Of all four-footed creatures in the wild, the roar of the lion is perhaps the most impressive, and certainly the one heard […] More
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th-grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?” After a very long […] More
What has two pairs of wings, six segments to their abdomen, three eyes and a three-jointed beak? Oh, and it can be heard 1/4 of a mile away when calling their ladylove. It’s the “common” cicada, which has a drum-like covering on its stomach, that vibrates to make the noise that attracts females. The “drumming” […] More
“I wish I had enough money to buy an elephant.” “What on earth do you need an elephant for?” “I don’t. I just need the money.” More
The Great White Shark is one of the most fearsome creatures on Earth, holding sway in the ocean over most other inhabitants, even if they don’t eat them. Great Whites dine primarily on seals, sea lions, fish, smaller sharks and turtles. Their only serious threats are the Killer Whale, Sperm Whales and Man. The public’s […] More
With a pile of 300 resumes on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly, my boss told me to make calls on 50 and toss the rest. “Throw away 250 resumes?” I asked, shocked. “What if the best candidates are in there?” “You have a point,” he said. “But then again, I don’t […] More
Pity the poor pig, for its undeserved reputation of being a dirty little swine, all because they roll in the mud. They’re not doing it because they’re…well, pigs…they’re doing it because they have no sweat glands, and their only way to cool off is to lower their body temperature by direct contact with cooler substances […] More
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. “Here is the situation,” she said. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and […] More
In the state that gave birth to Coca-Cola, there still exists the first visual of the now famous flowing writing on an outdoor building. Appropriately enough, the sign is found on the side of a brick building that houses a pharmacy in Cartersville, Georgia. The original drink, classified by its inventor John Pemberton as cocawine, […] More
Two old friends, Ned and John, lived for baseball. Then one day, John died, leaving Ned inconsolable. A few weeks later, Ned heard someone calling his name. He looked up. Standing on a cloud was his old pal. “Ned,” John called down, “I have good news and bad. The good news is, there’s baseball in […] More
Our image of heroic occupations centers around such things as doctors and nurses, and when it comes to those with high risks, we think firemen and policemen. Granted, the latter are riskier than most, but do not result in a high incidence of injury and/or death. For that you have to go down to the […] More
As the hedge fund manager gets out of his brand-new Porsche, a truck goes racing by, taking off the door. “My Porsche! My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined!” he screams. A police officer on the scene shakes his head in disgust. “I can’t believe you,” he says. “You’re so focused on your possessions that you […] More
